Hello wondrous Souls,
I remember the first time I heard Maya Angelou say, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” It resonated so deeply with me that I’ve carried it with me ever since.
Over time, though, I saw how my own life experience of Maya’s quote also had roots in one of my own life motto’s:
My Responsibility To You Is To Be Me
This weaving of insights has brought me so much clarity. It reminds me that actions speak louder than words and that consistent behaviour is the true measure of a person’s character. And here’s the beauty of it—it applies to both the good and the not-so-good aspects of people’s nature.
Letting Go of the Need to Change Others
One of the most freeing lessons I’ve learned is this: You cannot change people. Only they can do that. When someone’s actions reveal their true nature—whether through patterns of negativity or behaviour that crosses your boundaries—it’s not your job to fix or shape them.
Instead, I’ve found peace by focusing on my own energy, creating space where needed, and managing my own expectations. Sometimes, that means creating physical or emotional distance. Even if someone is family or a long-time friend, I’ve learned that when their actions consistently don’t respect my presence and values, they may not be a friend ~ And that’s okay.
On The Positive Side
But here’s the other side of the coin, and it’s equally important: when people show you who they are in positive ways, believe them too.
Think of the friend who consistently shows up for you, the colleague who goes the extra mile, or the loved one who surprises you with kindness and understanding. When people reveal their goodness, their generosity, and their compassion, let that sink in. It’s easy to focus on the negative, but we can miss the beauty of the positive examples people offer every day.
Recognizing and valuing these moments deepens trust and connection. It allows us to honour the goodness in others and appreciate the people in our lives who uplift and inspire us.
Setting Your Guidelines with Clarity
For those who cross the line, are inappropriate or act disrespectfully, you can respond with grace and strength. Here’s one of my favorite approaches:
- Pause. Allow for silence—a moment long enough to feel slightly uncomfortable.
- Respond clearly. Say something like: “What you just said is below my standard for a response.” Another is: “My responsibility to you is to be me. So, I choose not to engage with what you just said.”
This clarity and calmness shift the dynamic without unnecessary confrontation. It’s a way to protect your peace while maintaining your integrity.
Celebrate the Good
On the flip side, when someone shows you their good nature, celebrate it. Tell them what you see in them. For example:
- “I appreciate how thoughtful you’ve been lately—it really means a lot to me.”
- “Your kindness inspires me to be a better person.”
- “Thank you for always showing up with such grace and generosity.”
Acknowledging the good in people not only strengthens your relationships but also creates a ripple effect of positivity.
Peace Starts with You
At the end of the day, the way people show up in our lives is out of our control. What we can control is how we respond. When people show you who they are—whether through their challenges or their gifts—believe them.
Choose to protect your peace with those who drain you, and celebrate the light in those who uplift you. Life becomes richer when we honour the truth in others, while always staying true to ourselves.
Heart to Heart, Elizabeth
Elizabeth Ellames 